Looking fear in the face…

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

This quote is so inspiring. I remember when I was in very early recovery, in an argument with a friend, where speaking this quote out loud in her presence literally helped me overcome a fear. I find it again today and realize that fear I had then, surfaced again recently. I haven’t made the fear go away. I’ve only recognized it and taken steps every time it comes up to accept it and let it go. I get other fears, like fear of abandonment, fear of success, fear of failure… They come up, sometimes even strongly. But they pass. Even last night, I had another fear that was manifesting in defensiveness and anger and I realized exactly why I was doing it which before I never would have.

I know food, excessive running, a good shopping splurge always made me feel better. But then the guilt I felt after, was awful. So on top of the pain I was in before acting out, the guilt afterward only made it worse. When I hear people talk about why they go to food, or toxic behaviors, substances they always tell me it makes them feel better. It makes those pains and fears go away. But then it doesn’t, right? Because we do it again, and the pains and fears come back. We put that band-aid on it with something, and then it doesn’t make the pain go away.

There are so many of us who struggle with using something to numb the pain. That instant impulse to go to that thing is so ingrained in us that we can’t stop. That is why it is so important for those of us who have done that, to take a step back, a deep breathe, the hand of someone else, to separate our struggle from our usual fix. As long as we’re using it, it’s hard for us to disengage.

That is why AA works so well for so many people – because people abstain from the alcohol. That is why it is so hard for those of us who struggle with food to find help, because we have to face the beast every day. It’s not something we can just cut out. It’s something we have to take a look at, and redefine our connection to it by separating our emotions from the use of it. Until we do that, we will be manipulating it by focusing on our weight and not the reasons we use it.

Once we find the reasons, which are often based on fears – we can start to do the real work, and get somewhere. The more we use it, the less we look fear in the face. The less we use it, the more powerful we become. Life is life, and stuff happens. Fear can try to choke us. But if you can feel the fears, recognize them, and ride them out without going to the food – that life is so much more fulfilling. But it takes looking fear in the face….

All of you who struggle with food obsession, excess weight – you don’t have to think through the fear, or wear your pain. You CAN look fear in the face. You just need a little help getting out from underneath your shell.

Our Attitudes

“We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.” -Charles Swindoll

As I sit here on the couch with the flu for the 4th day, I think about how in the past I would have gotten so angry when I would get sick. I always wanted to change it, and it’s not something I could change. The only thing I can change is my attitude towards it. Maybe God’s just telling me I need to take it easy and rest and I can see it as a gift.

It’s amazing how in the past I would totally eat over this kind of thing. When I would have a bad attitude about a situation, a person in my life I would want to numb myself. Being sick has definitely been tough because my first thought is that I’m home and so is the kitchen. But it’s funny how being present to yourself, even when you are in the weak spot of sickness, you can be incredibly strong.

Since I’ve been on this new journey without having to turn to the food to cope, I’ve definitely had life happen to me and I’ve had to roll with the punches. In fact, I’m going through lots of changes right now where I’m dealing with just that – real life situations, people who’s attitudes just aren’t going to change and I’ll get upset about it. But then I have to remember that I don’t need to let them impact me like that, or eat over their attitude. I can just change mine and know that my frustration with them, or my situation may just be – my absolute greatest chance for growth.

Do you have someone whose attitude is making you have a terrible one of your own or the feeling you have to turn to a substance like food to make you feel better? How could you change your attitude about the situation?

Welcome to Core Wellness

Do you feel a little like you are overwhelmed, or worn out on diets and everyone else telling you how to get healthy? Do you feel like there might be more to this whole obesity thing that just fixing the weight?

Welcome to my website. I hope that reading my journey, helps shine some light on what may be your darkness. I hope it helps you see you are not alone.

Simply by looking at your needs, and the journey you’ve been on so far you can stop the madness.  You don’t have to battle with your body anymore. You can actually be empowered in it, and set yourself a roadmap that is just right for you.

If you choose to join me on your own journey to Core Wellness, I hope you use this site to find inspiration. Between my blogs and the things like quotes, photos, music, people, and organizations I like – you should be able to find some inspiration.

For those of you who will be coming to my seminar tomorrow night or my webinar on Tuesday the 20th – we will be talking about what might be causing you to have this awkward relationship you have with food and how you can break out of it.

If you have come to my website through the Inaugural E-Newsletter from BEDA (Binge Eating Disorder Association), enjoy. Let it fill you with hope and check out “In The News”.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Pema Chodron.

“A further sign of health is that we don’t become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it’s time to stop struggling and look directly at what’s threatening us.”